Thoughts on Feeling Abandoned and Alone in Recovery

"When you’re home by yourself, you’re behind enemy lines." - Anonymous

Think about the words in the anonymous quote above. Why do we hide ourselves away at home, stewing in our overly-emotional feelings of abandonment and isolation? Is it that we feel no one cares about us or our sobriety? Have we hurt so many people that we have alienated all our family and friends and believe that they’ve left us behind permanently? Are we punishing ourselves for our past bad behavior during the depths of our addiction, believing (mistakenly) that we deserve to suffer for what we’ve done?

Actually, if we’re like many in early recovery, our thoughts have probably become stuck on any one or all of these at one time or another.

But think about what we have to look forward to if we give in to the idea that we’re abandoned and alone in recovery. If we stay in that type of mindset, we’re condemning ourselves to a zero-sum game. We will never go outside our comfort zone to do what it takes to make progress in recovery. We can’t begin to feel hope or a sense of accomplishment if we listen to our own miserable thoughts and bad counsel day after day.

No, what we need to do is get up off the couch or bed and get back out into the world. First stop should be the 12-step rooms and the solace and support that we receive from our fellow members and sponsor. If we’re new to recovery and haven’t yet been to 12-step meetings, now is the time to do so. Start frequenting the meetings, going to different ones until we begin to feel a sense of comfort with the group. When we’ve found a group that begins to feel okay to us, go regularly - every day or several times a day, if that’s what it takes to start feeling part of a community again. After a while, look for a person to be our sponsor. That’s when we’ll really start to make headway, since the sponsor’s role is to help newcomers understand the 12-step concept, learn about the Twelve Steps, and how to best utilize the group support and encouragement that’s always available to us.

We are never alone when we avail ourselves of the tremendous support network we have in our 12-step groups. Whether it’s Alcoholics Anonymous or Narcotics Anonymous, Methamphetamine Anonymous or Cocaine Anonymous, Gamblers Anonymous, Workaholics Anonymous, Sex Addicts Anonymous - or any of the 12-step groups - there are men and women ready and willing to listen to our troubles, to give the benefit of their experience, and just act as support and encouragement during our first days in recovery and going forward.

While we may have started out feeling abandoned and alone in recovery, we have an alternative. Get out there and get involved in a 12-step group and start getting our lives in balance in recovery.
 

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